A thing from last year

Earlier last month, I turned 20-something :)

Some people might say, "udah gede ya.. kapan [insert anything here]?"

Some others also might say, "masih muda ya.."

See? komentar orang itu tidak valid wkkwkw. Dan sejujurnya aku kurang suka ketika orang mengkotak-kotakan perjalanan hidup atau pencapaian orang lain berdasarkan umurnya. Karena menurut aku umur hanyalah sebuah konstruksi sosial wkwkkw. Hanya sebuah tools atau alat bantu 'time-framing', alat bantu ukur. 

Memang sih, umur tetap punya korelasi dengan perkembangan biologis maupun psikologis manusia. Tapi menurutku ketika memasuk usia 20an ke atas, hal-hal tersebut bukanlah sebuah aturan yang saklek lagi. Karena bagaimana pun juga setiap manusia itu unik dengan perjalanannya masing-masing. 

Berapa pun umurnya, yang penting manusia itu tetap bertumbuh kan ya? Menurutku yang penting ia belajar dan berkembang. Bisa dalam konteks apapun.

If I would have to name one thing that I learnt from last year is to learn how to say no.

Say that again?

I learnt how to say no.

As someone who prefers to avoid confrontation, most of the time I feel like the best way to "solve" issues is to just say yes. However, last year really taught me that being a 'yes' person is not always the best choice. 

It was not an easy task for me to say no without feeling guilty of not being able to meet someone's needs. Bahasa gampangnya, "gak enakan". But I didn't notice that always thriving to meet someone else's needs will eventually sacrifice your own needs at some points. Yes, I used to suppress my needs and keep them to myself. 

And what happened?

I slowly noticed that people took advantage of me. It was a sad truth, but truth is truth.   

Then, at one point I realized, the root cause of their actions is because of my own actions;

It was not them who overstep the boundaries. 

It was me who did not set the boundaries at the first place.

It was me who did not respect my own needs. 

Always remember that your needs are important too, Adya! Your needs are valid, as valid as theirs. Respect your own needs, put boundaries, so people will not be able to overstep.

How?

By practicing to say no :)

Peluk,

adya

There are some days when you just wanna be disconnected with people because you are in 'senggol bacok' mode. You're afraid that you might hurt other people, so you just want to avoid any interaction with them. You just wanna hide under the blanket and sleep, hoping that when you wake up, your hormones have stopped messing around with you.


But that's impossible, because you have to work.


So let's deal with it.

Dear brain,

Stop worrying and over-analyzing things that you cannot control. You have done your best in your area of responsibility. Appreciate yourself and leave out the rest.

You better utilize your energy to memorize Japanese kanji and to enjoy the beauty in Japanese grammar rules. Ok?

Peluk,
Adya

A solid ground

Sabtu pagi kemaren aku nyampe di rumah. Trip pulang pertama semenjak mulai kerja di jpg. Perasaan ketika nyampe rumah selalu sama seperti sebelum2nya ketika pulang dari Sumbawa untuk field break tiap 4 minggu sekali.

Sebuah sajak indah dari Kak Izzati, "Ibarat kerja adalah mengudara, maka pulang adalah membumi. Memeluk akar2 yang menghidupiku, supaya lekat terus perihal apa dan siapa yang membentukku sampai hari ini."

Ya, sejauh apapun aku bertumbuh, my home is my solid ground. Semua lelah dalam rantau akan hilang lantaran tubuh ini kembali ke petak 72m2 di lantai 15 itu. Sebuah syukur yang seharusnya tiada habis.

Dan emang pada dasarnya ku anak rumahan juga sih ehehehehe

A decade

Ikutan kayak orang2 ah..

2010 bocah SMP yang suka main Stardoll, nonton America's Next Top Model, dan bermimpi jadi pilot

2011 masuk SMA, mulai hidup jauh dari ortu

2012 (unintentionally) enrolled into acceleration class--kinda regret it lol

2013 masuk universitas--gak di sekolah pilot--no regret tho

2014 sibuk maen DOT*

2015 sibuk maen politik kampus

2016 sibuk maen di gym

2017 tahun yg panjang; exchange program, lulus kuliah, jd pengangguran, ditutup dengan patah hati HAHAHA (skrg sih ketawa aja)

2018 survived mental illness, landed my first job far away from home

2019 started a new job further awaaaay from home

2020? 😊

Meracau di jam makan siang

2017 kemaren w lulus kuliah. Sekarang 2019.
It kinda amazes me how many things can happen within 2 years.

Adya yg dulu adalah ia yang goal-oriented. She always had well-defined targets for every milestones that she faced. She always focused on her target, sometimes she forgot to see what was around her. Seakan ia sedang mengenakan kacamata kuda.

She used to wake up in the morning with a bunch of check lists on her head. She was very well-driven (which is good in a way), but she lived more like a robot (who pushed herself hard during weekdays and locked herself in her room during weekends playing games ekekekek).

However now, as she started to experience the "real life", she is mesmerized by how unpredictable life can be. She realized how small she is. She realized that life can actually provides more than those check lists on her head. She is amused by how interesting it is to be exposed to different kinds of people. Now she is aware that the world is B I G.

She started to remove her 'kacamata kuda' and be open to every opportunities that come towards her. Starting from the smallest thing such as building relationships with new people with various backgrounds, until trying new hobbies that she never tried before. 

And that makes her more relaxed and happy to the fullest.

She easily enjoy small things. She is now able to appreciate everything that comes to her. Even seeing toddlers strolling around the park, or seeing some birds eating some bugs, watching froth bubbles, and listening to some operators making cheap jokes on the radio can make her smile. (Not to mention watching full moon from the top of column cells during night shift. It's her favorite).

Despite that, it doesn't mean that she is always happy though. Life being life; there are always some struggles here and there, bad days, including those monthly cycle cramps and emotional instability lol. Challenges are always there, and are always supposed to be there. But the way you see it differently is what matters.

When she looks at her life from a helicopter view, she likes this one better :)


And all of those happened within those 2 years.
So, what would happen in the next 2 years? Can't wait to see other surprises.

Lebaran 1439 H

Tahun ini gue lebaran di palembang, setelah tahun kemaren lebaran sendiri di korea. Berangkatnya hari H, biar gak heboh2 amat gitu mudiknya. Sekarang masih di palembang, kemungkinan sampe tgl 20.

Seperti biasa, gue berangkat sholat eid sekeluarga, dan pulangnya misah2 antara cewe dan cowo karena gak bisa menemukan satu sama lain di antara kerumunan org2.

Seperti biasa, abis sholat kita makan. Gue berusaha gak nambah ketupat, tapi yha gmn ya agak susah gitu.

Seperti biasa, abis itu org2 sibuk sama hpnya masing2 hahaha. Gue sendiri jg, japri2 orang2 buat ngucapin selamat dan minta maaf. Personally, gue memilih untuk japri ke orang satu per satu dan ngetik sesuai apa yg ingin disampaikan ke org tersebut instead of ngirim broadcast. Krn yg ingin disampaikan ke tiap org pasti beda dong yaaa

Seperti biasa, gue gak pernah foto keluarga. Entah ini tradisi sejak kapan, tapi gue gak inget kapan terakhir kali keluarga gue mengabadikan momen bareng pas lebaran. Pengen gitu ya sekali2 posting foto sekeluarga bareng2 tp apa daya lah gue😂

Seperti biasa, gue cemilin kue lebaran. Kalo lagi gaada tamu lain, toplesnya gue pangku, trs duduk di sofa. Everybody does this, doesn't it?

Intinya lebaran kali ini gak jauh beda sama lebaran2 sebelumnya (kecuali tahun 2017 dan 2015).

Penyesalan pun masih ada aja. Penyesalan karena blm berbuat banyak selama ramadhan kemaren. Penyesalan karena udh menyia2kan waktu terbaik yg Allah kasih. Gitu terus muter2 tiap tahun. Mungkin bedanya tahun ini terasa lebih nyesel. Huhu :( upgrade ruhiyah dong upgradeee adyaaaa oiiii-_-

Ya bismillah, semoga dosa2 yg berusaha ditinggalkan di bulan ramadhan kemaren bisa ditinggalin sepenuhnya di bulan2 ke depannya. Ya walaupun godaan pasti akan datang, tp ya.....lurusin niat dulu deh :)))) yegak...